Jon and Kate......Men and Women

Ok, so I will admit to referring to them as if they were personal friends of mine and will also admit that I have been anticipating the season premiere with mixed feelings. I just got done watching it with my girlfriends. Now most woman I talk to seem to either love Kate or hate her. I really like her because I can relate to her, her sinful desire for control, as well as her independence that may have once been her survival but is now isolating and lonely. I like Jon. I like their marriage, including all the parts that are ugly, because it is so classic of every marriage I encounter in therapy. It is classic of my own marriage....my desire for control especially when feeling insecure, and Matt's tendency towards passivity. This is the core struggle for any marriage....a women's proclivity towards control and a man's towards passivity or taking the road less traveled when feeling inadequate. Most women hate to be told we are controlling and it brings upon us much shame. It is our response to being hurt or feeling afraid. Similarly, when men feel inadequate, they pull back, go within, avoid. It takes tremendous courage for men to step up the plate and follow the call given to them by God to lead even when they don't know how. For women, it feels very risky to get off the field, let him lead, and give up the control that makes us feel so in charge and safe. But the reality is is that it feels good to be lead, to be cared for in this way, to be ushered.....like the way it feels when your husband places his hand on the small of your back and guides you in and out of places, a strong but gentle leading.

I wasn't sure where this was going when I began processing on here but here it is. My favorite kind of therapy to do is marital therapy. It doesn't always have a high success rate but I believe it is the most intimate relationship we have outside of our relationship with God and I love to see couples who are willing to risk their hearts to deepen their intimacy. I always say that a good woman will follow a good man. That's just God's design. May you have the courage to offer your vulnerability in such a way that brings greater intimacy and connection to your relationship.....